From Bollocks to Blinding
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Christmas has come and gone. The presents are not what they once were. Yes, socks again this year. Useful, sure, but not exactly the sort of thing that makes you sit up like a Labrador hearing a biscuit tin. Still, presents aren’t the bit that’s shifted the most. It’s the small rituals. The predictable little…
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Left Flank, Left Waiting You know you’re in trouble when your infection has more NHS mileage than your car. Four months of festering on the left flank, finally a referral… only to be told the waiting list is full. So now I’m on the waiting list for the waiting list. That’s right — a purgatory…
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It started, as these things often do, with the promise of progress. A urology appointment, finally. I walked in hopeful. The consultant opened with, “I believe you spoke to my colleague Mr…” — only I hadn’t. I’d spoken to no one. The CT scan on her screen? A year old. To the day. Honestly, if…
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—I Can’t Believe They Use The Word Butter! Let’s get straight to it. “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” is a name so fraudulent it should come with a disclaimer. Of course, it’s not butter. Butter is creamy, rich, and actually enjoyable. This stuff? It’s like someone tried to melt a candle, bottled the remains,…